Doctors Orders

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office…

After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said,

Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don’t do the following, your husband will surely die. Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don’t burden him with chores. Don’t discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. No nagging. And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely.

On the way home, the husband asked his wife.

What did the doctor say?

She replied;

He said you’re going to die.

Trunk Monkey Delivers Baby

Childbirth – How To Push A Baby In Delivery

Labor will start when it is time to have your baby.
You will feel contractions when labor starts.
It is time to start pushing when your contractions are five minutes apart.
Your cervix will open during the first stage of labor.
Don’t push until your cervix is fully dilated.
Soon your baby will be born followed by the placenta.

Continue reading “Trunk Monkey Delivers Baby”

The Cardiologist’s Funeral

A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral.
A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service.
Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.
At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all eyes stared at him, he said,

“I’m sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral…I’m a gynecologist.”

Then the proctologist fainted.