The Cardiologist’s Funeral

A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral.
A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service.
Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.
At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all eyes stared at him, he said,

“I’m sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral…I’m a gynecologist.”

Then the proctologist fainted.

Doctors Orders

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office…

After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said,

Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don’t do the following, your husband will surely die. Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don’t burden him with chores. Don’t discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. No nagging. And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely.

On the way home, the husband asked his wife.

What did the doctor say?

She replied;

He said you’re going to die.

A Short History Of Medicine

“Doctor, I have an ear ache.”

2000 B.C. – Here, eat this root.
1000 A.D. – That root is heathen. Here, say this prayer.
1850 A.D. – That prayer is superstition. Here, drink this potion.
1940 A.D. – That potion is snake oil. Here, swallow this pill.
1985 A.D. – That pill is ineffective. Here, take this antibiotic.
2000 A.D. – That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root.

 

An adverse effect is a harmful effect caused by a medication such as an antibiotic…or a root.